When Someone in Your Family has Alzheimer’s
This is my grandfather:
Our family lost him to a 10-year battle with Alzheimer’s. I was working for my Senator in Washington DC when I got the call. I was a junior in college.
His death was really hard on me.
My grandfather and I were not close. We lived in the same town, but he’d raised ten kids. I guess you could say he was kind of burned out on being around kids by the time I came along! As a kid, I could see that my grandfather had great relationships with my adult cousins. But when I became adult-ish, it was too late. He had become a shell of himself, completely there in body but not at all in mind.
After he passed away, I would journal and journal, trying to remember something awesome about me and my grandpa that I could hang onto. I’m flipping through one of those old journals right now. Here’s a peek at one entry:
July 26, 2004
My grandpa didn’t remember me. We got reintroduced every Saturday morning at 7:00 a.m at some little cafe in town like the Hanging Five. He nodded his head and smiled, and I shared random pieces of my life and moved on. He got blueberry pancakes and coffee; I ordered biscuits and gravy with hot chocolate. It was always the same. But that can’t be. There just has to be something more.
Today, I still don’t have any of the memories with my grandfather that I crave no matter how much I’ve reflected, looked through photos, or journaled.
But I have something else.
My grandfather enjoyed writing little entries about his life.
Because of his journaling, I know that he was a pilot too!
I know that his favorite place on earth was my dad’s favorite place and my favorite place, too – 10,000 feet (3,048 meters) above sea level.
Because of his writing, I know what he felt about a childhood of ranching and riding a horse to school.
There are so many little things I have learned. But the very best thing of all has been the opportunity to see my grandfather as a passionate, brave person through his words. I couldn’t get that from my interactions with him. I got that because my grandfather wrote down his stories.
Are you writing yours? ;)
April 27th, 2011 at 8:00 am
I need to write down more of my stories. My grandfather too was a pilot, and he wrote down his stories. My nother didn’t write hers down, and we lost her at the far too young age of 46. I wish I could know more about her life.
Thanks for sharing this story!
April 27th, 2011 at 9:02 am
Great post, Katie! What a poignant reminder that we all need to write down our stories.
April 27th, 2011 at 11:48 am
after your lovely video i wanted to start writing.. but something happened and i didn’t start.. but every your post kicks me to writing. i think i’m going to start in a minute.. sorry for your grandfather.. hugs.. :)
April 27th, 2011 at 2:39 pm
yep…lost my dad at 56 and i know or remember not a whole lot…now…my mum has alzhiemers…i don’t like it very much at all…its hard now…she knows she forgets and stuffs up…we are not at the worst of it yet…it breaks my heart but i pretend to be tough..i am not…let us wirte i say…write for our kids, write for us for our kids kids and theirs…i love this post, but also don’t..it makes it right there what is going to happen to my mummy…take care…xxx
April 27th, 2011 at 3:02 pm
yes!! Stories matter!!
April 27th, 2011 at 4:02 pm
My nephew died suddenly almost two months ago at the age of 17, I miss him so much! His Facebook entries and school writing assignments are a treasure to us, some have been posted on the “We love you Matthew Hammerdorfer” FB page. Writing is helping us all get through his loss, he was a dear boy and a wonderful young man who had so much potential!
April 27th, 2011 at 4:13 pm
my heart goes out to you and your families, Mandy and Diana. The people we love – the stories of their lives – it’s all so very important and fragile.
April 28th, 2011 at 11:38 am
I haven’t in the past, except through my picture taking! Now, I have such a strong desire to work on the gift of giving my past to the future of my children and their (someday) children. At the moment, I’ve been feverishly working on ancestory.com to look up my famly tree. Because for what ever reasons, my Mom and Dad never got past with stories of past generations except those of their own parents. Once in 6th grade I did a report on the Depression Era…and what it was like to live through. It was with interviewing my Grand-parents on my father’s side…that sowed a seed in me to find out more.
With the miraculous invention of the internet…it’s truly amazing to find out what all can be found out!!
I’m wondering if you will be designing a family tree journal soon!! hmmm…hint…hint!! :)
May 1st, 2011 at 7:52 pm
Both of my maternal grandparents passed last autumn–my grandmother after years of Alzheimer’s. Neither left journals, but I treasure the letters I kept from our correspondence in my childhood/adolescence. They were the most consistent pen-pals I ever found!