Finding Work-Life Balance
We always seem to hunker down in the winter. Whether it’s the cold (like here) or the lack of sunshine (like Berlin), January and February can start to really drag on. This year, I started combatting it with overworking.
That was a bad mistake. Days felt overloaded instead of simplified.
Finding a work-life balance is a constant struggle.
I want to make Gadanke the best that it can be. I also want a clean house and homemade dinners and and and… I didn’t know where to stop. With Martin completely engaged in school, I didn’t know how to separate my roles. He’s up until 2:00 in the morning with school; I felt guilty walking away from the computer at dinner. So I kept going back. I was crossing off business goal after business goal, but I wasn’t as efficient or as happy as I wanted to be.
So I set up a plan. I’m incorporating a built-in schedule of work-life balance. It’s the best decision I’ve ever made. Here are a few tips that are working for me; I hope they can help you:
1. Stop working at a certain time.
My life doesn’t belong to the little white screen at my desk. So I set a quitting time. It’s pretty hard when my desk is in the bedroom and each room is divided by a long canvas curtain instead of a fourth wall. Yes – I am Gadanke and Making This Home. But I am also me.
2. I don’t blog every day.
Maybe you noticed that. I stopped writing posts the night before I’d let myself go to bed. I stopped stressing about not having a blog post every day. I write when I feel like I have something to share. Later, I’ll probably create a schedule for days that I want to be sure to post. But maybe not. This decision to step back has been the most freeing thing I’ve ever done.
3. Evenings are for hobbies and family/friend time.
Are there things you love to do when you’re not working? What’s something you like that has nothing to do with work or running your household? Happiness comes more plentifully when we’re doing these things or being with people we love.
4. Work is more efficient when it’s limited.
When I know what time I have to quit and I also know what I want to achieve, a little less time is spent poking around the internet. The biggest challenge now is trying to stop thinking about work so much when I’m done for the day.
5. When I think of something during off-hours, I write it down.
I don’t sit down and do it. I don’t figure it all out. I just write it down. It’s something I’ll take care of tomorrow.
6. Sundays are work-free.
I’ve talked a lot about Sundays in Germany: all the stores are closed. People have the day off. It completely changes their perspective on the entire week.
Students can’t always do that, so I figured that if Martin kept working, I needed to, too. So now even if we’re not going anywhere or don’t have any plans, I keep my Sundays work-free. Those Germans know what they’re talking about.
7. Work could never stop if I didn’t draw the line.
The internet has made us a world of 24/7 work. But it doesn’t mean that you and I need to work or be available to work 24/7, too. Our jobs are not us. They are a part of us. We are so much more than that. We just have to know when to shutdown the work version of ourselves and embrace all of the other beautiful pieces.
I *think* that I am getting there.
How about you? Have you struggled with this balance? Have you found ways to make it work? I’m still learning; please share your thoughts.
Great post, Katie! Loved it.
I started medical school this fall, and seem to have the same work schedule as Martin! It’s a lot of work, but necessary work. It’s also, like most fields, the kind of program where you are never done studying, never done learning – there is always more to read, more to review, and there is always something more you can do to study and master the material. Sometimes I end up feeling guilty taking any breaks when there is still so much to do, but of course we know that never taking breaks is a great way to go crazy fast. :)
Anyway. Something that helped me manage things is really identifying my goals with studying – and I think this applies to anyone’s work – what are your *real* goals? In our program, we have written and practical exams, which are, obviously, important to pass and do well on. But they’re not the *real* goal. Written exams are important in that they allow me to demonstrate that I know the material, but they don’t actually help me be a good doctor. Ten years from now, a patient in my exam room will not care what grade I earned on an exam, but I’m sure they will care about whether I can help them with their health issues. In the end, that’s what matters most, and that’s what I need to get out of my work at school.
Now, it’s not that I’m completely neglecting the book-knowledge (it *is* important, after all), but I’m finding that when I focus on the most important things (learning what I need to know in a clinical setting), the book-knowledge comes almost automatically with that, and I’m doing fine with my written exams while focusing on prepping for the real world.
So, for me, I’m shifting my study approach away from “what do I need to know for the exam?” to “how do I need to understand this material so I can be a good doctor?”. It’s amazing what that shift has done for me – my stress has gone down a lot (I’m no longer stressing about every possible question they might ask me), and I’m more confident that I’m learning the things that will matter most.
Really thinking about my goals in the big picture and how to best achieve them has helped me focus and be much more efficient with the limited 24 hours I have in the day. :)
Something that has really helped me so far has been to have a written out To-Do list, an up-to-date calendar w/mtgs and deadlines written in, and my handy kitchen timer (with 3 built in timers) by my side. I keep the 3 timers running for different things, mainly to make sure I don’t sit and get sucked into the internet for too long and to remember when to sign off so I can do the next thing on my to-do list (gym, lunch, etc). Since I’m a person who can totally lose track of time whether I’m editing, sewing, cleaning, or surfing the web, the triple timer is my lifesaver. I also use the Pomodoro method sometimes…makes me more efficient!
Hi Katie,
Great post!! This is something I struggle and STRUGGLE with. My whole life, I’ve been an overachiever and have thrived on cramming as many projects and as much activity into my life as possible. I really stink with downtime and frankly am exhausted! So, one of my goals for this year is to acheive better balance in my life and I am having some small successes. I’ve made a couple of difficult decisions to step away from things that no longer enhance my life in the same way, but that I’m just in the habit of doing. I need all the help I can get to fully create a more balanced life, so thank you for sharing!! Best wishes for your continuing journey toward more balance!
Wow, you’ve touched on everything I’ve thought about also. My work as mother never stops but my blogging/photography/writing work (for which I am slowing starting to earn $ from) must stop at certain hours.
I use all those tips and tricks and really believe in one day totally off from life. For us, this means we go outdoors and totally disconnect. We might be online again in the evening but I usually read instead. It’s so, so important for families and just people to unplug and be in nature.
I too have stopped blogging every day. It had to go. It was either that or my well being.
My children are a part of my whole day but evenings are set aside for family. I don’t have time for hobbies right now with our move but I do try to read every night a bit before bed. And stay off the computer after 6pm.
I am a person, not a blog.
I keep a weekly to do list. I discovered my day to day free time (with a now 6 month old) was too unpredictable to regularly get a daily to do list accomplished and when I didn’t, I’d feel bad/unproductive. So, now I keep a running weekly list.
My current “job” is taking care of our house and our child and my husband. My child is a 24/7 job at least for right now when he still currently wakes several times a night too. I feel I do okay balancing housework and family time around my husband’s schedule, but I need to start carving out more regular “me” time.
I’m in a position similar to Elizabeth and I think she gave some good advice. I’m studying for my Master’s (not nearly as intensive as med school) but I also have 5 kids and two part time jobs. So it’s hard to find balance while juggling so many balls. Katie, thanks for some good ideas. I try to commit my afternoons and evenings to my family and won’t bring out the books again until they’re in bed. I tried to take Sundays off but found there was too much work to be done.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the comments you’ve all left. Thank you for sharing and for offering suggestions. Renee, you are so true to your heart with your statement: I am a person, not a blog.
Good luck in these journeys.
Katie
A great list to remember. I have so many projects going on. And most of them are actually important to me, but I am learning how to balance them. I am currently working a full-time (sometimes over) job and trying to do a blog and a half as well as write a book and plan out how to actually start a small business in Germany. This is in addition to the reading that I want to do and the rest of the life stuff that is also important for happiness.
The Sunday’s are work free is the one I struggle with the most. Somehow in Germany with not much else going on in town it ends up being a time that I sit home and work on other projects. While I am often ok with this, sometimes I need to remember that sleep and relaxation is just as important as any of the “actual” work pieces in this whole equation. I have spent this last week remembering to turn off the computer and go to bed before midnight. This has been one of the most productive weeks in a while, which surprised me. Somehow sleeping more gives me more energy to not get overwhelmed at my dayjob and leaves energy to work on my evening jobs.
What Elizabeth says about goals hit me too. Thinking about what I am working and the why behind it. Like your other blog-theme of only buying useful things, only working on things that go toward a goal. Although this goal could be relaxation, family time, or volunteering.
This is a great post! Anyone have more thoughts about how this applies to the “job” of motherhood? My kids take great naps, giving me about 2 free hours every afternoon, then go to bed around 8:00. I frequently have a hard time deciding what to do with my free naptime. Do I relax? Do I get some more things done around the house? Blog? I tend to feel guilty resting too much during their naptime because it’s the middle of the workday for everyone else– shouldn’t I be working too?
Hmm… now that I re-read I think that a lot of your points apply to motherhood as well. Lots to think about!
This is a great post and a terrific perspective!
Yes, as a homeschooling mom with a home-based business I definitely struggle with these things. Like you, I’ve had to learn and employ ideas as I go.
I keep Sundays for rest too. And I’m learning to shut down and let the evenings be for family and fun. I’ve even started reading books again, something I’ve always loved, but felt I never had time for because I was always so busy.
I quit trying to follow a blogging schedule or post everyday. Blogging is supplemental to my business, not the main deal, so I try to keep it in that place.
I used to gather business ideas and input from a myriad of sources. Now, I’ve narrowed it down to a few that have the same philosophy as me but are way more successful. These people/companies offer information that I can and will put to good use. The other stuff I was researching all the time was mostly a waste of time.
I also make a list of things I’d like to accomplish in a week, but focus on 1-3 major things a day rather than trying to pack in 20-30 things like I used to. I also try to designate certain days for certain things: writing day, errand day, administrative details day, family fun day… I don’t keep a rigid schedule or anything, but if a particular day seems headed in a certain direction I go with it so I can stay in that particular mode and be more productive.
I go to the gym at least three times a week. At first this seemed like a frivolous waste of time on “me” even though my husband was adamant that it wasn’t selfish, but very necessary to my health. Now I feel so much better than I used to and my stamina is 100% more. This is a priority not a luxury so I don’t feel guilty anymore. I just feel better!
For me, I function better if I have a mix of mental and physical activities every day. Sometimes that doesn’t work out since I’m a writer with deadlines, but I really try to make it work. If I spend a few hours on mental activity then I like to scrub the floor or fix a meal, something with my hands other than tapping out words. I feel so much more balanced that way.
I’ve lowered my standards on just about everything. That’s hard for a perfectionist, but the older I get, the easier it becomes. I even created a sign in my office that says, “Focus on producing not perfection.”
I also found another blogger who is in a similar business to mine and at a similar station in life. We meet every few weeks to discuss our businesses and new ideas, to share resources, and to set reasonable goals to reach before we meet again. This has been a wonderful help to both of us!
I give more over to God. When I first started my business it was overwhelming and I stressed over every little decision and detail. Now I keep it with an open hand and it’s such a good feeling to know that I can walk away from it and be okay if God ever requires that. So much less pressure!!
I could say more, but this is already a book. Obviously, you touched on a nerve with me. Thanks!
@Katherine – I don’t think you can really compare yourself to a day-worker, since your ‘job’ doesn’t end at 5pm. It’s not like you clock out from your kids! If I were you I wouldn’t feel at all guilty about resting during their nap-time – the kids will come out refreshed, and you will be refreshed, and it will be a great way to start a fun and productive afternoon!!
Anna B,
Your answer is just perfect. Mom deserves to be refreshed just like her kids. Beautiful!
Katie
Excellent perspectives!
Bonita, your thoughts are so true. We must be weary of which advice we choose to take or we’ll be running in circles trying to be perfect in all these different ways that don’t even suit us or our hopes.
Katie