Culture Shock in the United States
You know those dreams where someone is chasing you? It’s somebody really bad, and no matter how hard you try, you just can’t loose him until you’re jolted awake in a panic. Well coming back to your home country isn’t quite like that. But it still shakes you up. I’ve never really experienced culture shock before. My nature is to have an open mind and grasp every opportunity I can. It means I’ve eaten a lot of weird things. I’ve followed a lot of paths and embarrassed myself and my family on multiple occasions.
I don’t think I’ve embarrassed myself as much as I have lately, though. Like some of you warned, I began facing reverse culture shock when we got to the US. With a little change of pace today, I thought you might be interested in some of the things going on. Here’s my perspective on life back in the US after being an expat in Germany:
1. When an American flight crew speaks in English to me, I should answer in English. I think that I said danke almost every time they gave me something to drink.
2. The people here are really nice. I was sitting with half of our suitcases while Martin went to report that the other half of our bags were missing. The woman next to me just started talking to me. That was it. Just started talking! No one started chatting to me in Germany unless they needed directions. Part of me wanted my silence back. A bigger part of me wanted to give that woman a great big hug.
3. The cars are insanely enormous. The first thing our ride from the airport said in the car was, “I’m sorry it’s so tight.” Martin and I looked at each other. It was the most spacious thing we’d ridden in for months.
4. When strangers start speaking to me, they kind of expect to hear an answer. But I don’t answer; I just look at them like a doof. It’s the most bizarre feeling to find yourself lacking basic communication skills. See, I got so used to strangers speaking German to me. I had to take the time to be sure I understood what they were saying and figure out how to answer. In my mind, if I didn’t know a person, she was going to speak German to me. My mind defaulted that way. The only people speaking English to me already knew me. So in the US, it throws me off when someone I don’t know comes up to me and speaks in English. I just look at her. My mind feels fuzzy, and I try to figure out what language I’m supposed to speak. So far, the people I am with step in and answer for me.
5. I cannot handle large American grocery stores. We had to get toothbrushes on the way from the airport since our bag with toilietries wanted to enjoy a longer vacation, and I swear we could pick from over a hundred toothbrushes that night. Guess how many choices our grocery store had in Germany. Two. Shopping in American grocery stores that are easily 5x bigger than German stores was more overwhelming than figuring out what language to speak to the clerk who smiled at me AND started talking to me.
6. Plastic sacks are free and abundant whether you want one or not. After the clerk smiled at me, she put my toothbrush in a plastic sack. She was so fast that we didn’t even know what was going on. No one in Germany even bagged groceries for you. You brought your own bags and put your things in them. If you forgot your bag, you paid a buck for one. We didn’t have any US bills yet. We paid with a card and walked out with our toothbrush in a plastic sack.
7. The roads are really big. You don’t really have to pay attention when you drive in the US. Huh! That’s funny because compared to Germany, nobody else here seems to be paying attention to their driving, either. All the slow cars drive in the left lanes, which are supposed to be for fast moving traffic, and the majority of drivers are weaving through lanes without signaling. I don’t know if I can feel safe biking on six lane streets like I did in Germany. Am I going to have to drive everywhere?
8. People are so loud. I am struggling with information overload because not only does everyone seem to speak with twice the volume, I can understand every word. I hear conversations all around me – some on cell phones, some with other people. No one is walking around in silence. Why is that? (If it were winter, I would be shopping for a toothbrush AND earmuffs.)
9. The salsa and chips are So Good. I can’t even describe what Mexican restaurants are like in Germany. But you can imagine – they’re weird. I would gladly live above a Mexican restaurant and forgo our plans for the summer.
10. M&Ms aren’t as good as I remember. Don’t get me wrong, though. Peanut butter cups are still amazing!
11. Everything is so cheap. Contact solution, toothbrushes, computers, socks, paper… I see why Germans go on a shopping spree in the US. THE STUFF IS SO DANG CHEAP HERE. The only thing is that none of the stuff for sale here seems to be made in this country. I am finding more “made in Germany” labels than “made in America” ones.
12. Target is breathtaking. But it’s so dang far away. Everything is far away. This urban sprawl and I are not getting along very well. I told you I was questioning biking before. Now I’m certain the answer is no. I’m a chicken. …Is the irony screaming at you, too? I’m afraid of biking to a grocery store around here, and yet I’m going to learn to fly a plane. I hate that even the closest bus stop is a fifteen minute car trip away. The sprawl is loud, really really big, and dare I say: so incredibly ugly.
13. I can go shopping on a Sunday night at 10 o’clock. Nothing ever seems to close. Sundays don’t slow down. We can get cereal and Annie’s Macaroni and Cheese any time we want. And trust me, with the jet lag, that’s just what we’d been doing. Then we bring the food into a HUGE kitchen. In these moments, I miss our little 36 square foot kitchen that we remodeled in Germany so much it’s hard to breathe.
14. I’m home, and I’m so so so happy to be exactly where I am today.
Have a beautiful week, everyone.









April 27th, 2009 at 5:35 am
Hello Katie,
it’s so nice to read your blog, which I just found (I’m reading since 2 hours now :-)
Sorry for my poor English, I’m sure you’ve got used to Germans trying to speak a foreign language…
I’m looking forward to reading your next comment.
Have a nice day!
Kind regards
Claudia
April 27th, 2009 at 5:41 am
I always have moments like these when I go back home to visit family. This last trip we were eating out and I suddenly realized that I could understand everyone’s conversations. I also realized I don’t always like being able to hear and understand them. I love Target and always end up spending too much time and money there. I hope you’re enjoying Denver.
April 27th, 2009 at 7:47 am
I found it very interesting to read your experience coming back to the U.S. Some of the things I can identify with even though I have never traveled far. Maybe because I live in a small town and no freeways to commute on going to work. I drive in beautiful country area.
When we visited the Los Angeles area after a long time of not being there, I felt like there was concrete everywhere. A real contrast to where I live. Also, each town or city just connects from one to the other. You can’t tell where one ends and the next one starts. Made me glad to be living where we do now. Lots of space between towns. Looking forward to hearing more of your adventures.
April 27th, 2009 at 7:49 am
I can completely relate to what you’re going through. There are good different things and bad different things, but mostly, it’s just different…and that’s what is so weird.
The biggest thing I miss in Germany? The fact that everything closes on Sunday. While it can be inconvenient at times, I loved that I was forced to take a day and relax.
April 27th, 2009 at 8:10 am
Welcome home! I still remember the culture shock of returning to the US after 5 years in Germany. Mind you, I was 8 when we went over and 14 when we returned so I had changed a lot. I can still feel that wall of hot steam when we exited the NY airport in August!
You can avoid big here though, I’m in the Fort(;o)) about an hour north of you and I can walk to a little neighborhood market and bike almost everywhere and have several local breweries. I recommend if you are still here in Sept come up for the Tour de Fat!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HKyL1W2OQMk
April 27th, 2009 at 9:29 am
One of the sad things about Canada is our lack of good Mexican food. Sushi and Chinese we’ve got in abundance, but no good Mexican. So sad (for me).
And I find US stores a little overwhelming too. Canadian stores aren’t like German ones, but we definitely don’t have the same selection as you find in the US. I remember shopping at Macy’s for a black shirt one day and I left without one because I couldn’t pick from the 300 options available to me.
April 27th, 2009 at 9:33 am
This is very familiar. When we came back to the States for the first time from Prague, we had been outside of the U.S. for almost 18 months. One of the first things we did was go to a Perkin’s Restaurant in Helena, Montana. I could not for the life of me understand why the wait staff was being so friendly. Why was everyone smiling all the time? It was creepy! :)
Now that I’m almost five years back in the U.S. (eep!), I’m used to everything again for the most part but still mourn the “silence”. I really loved not having to overhear conversations or read ads unless I wanted to concentrate and make that effort. And I hatehatehate having to have two cars and drive everywhere. But I do love the wide-open spaces and proximity to family.
Welcome “home”!
April 27th, 2009 at 9:43 am
This list is so perfect- it’s everything I remember feeling when I returned to the states after 3 years in Germany. I said danke and yah for like a year and people would look at me so funny. When I was there I missed pizza delivery and Target. And oh, I forgot about everything being closed on Sundays. I miss that. I always found that to be so wonderful.
You’ve made me homesick for Germany.
April 27th, 2009 at 9:45 am
I know exactly how you feel. We lived in Japan for a number of years and the return to the states always brought culture shock. Some was good and some was just weird. Life is constantly on the go here. The grocery stores are huge the the choices overwhelming. The variety of food is wonderful. And clothes actually fit a non-asian body here. In Japan I thought of the response to a question in english first. In the states I would think of the answer in Japanaese first. And I recognize the stare of the person asking the question – the why is she taking so long to answer a simple question look. The whole time I was thinking which language do I answer in.
Thanks for sharing. Enjoy your stay. I found I appreciated my home away from home even more when we would return.
April 27th, 2009 at 9:50 am
What an interesting post. Loved reading it. We experienced something similar after one of our vacations. We spent a week walking from town to town in France – where not a soul spoke english. So we got by on our pigden French and a phrasebook. I found myself trying to think responses in French after we returned home – and I did say Merci to people entirely too often. So embarrassing!
April 27th, 2009 at 10:36 am
These are some of the same things I think…and I live here, and have never left! I have culture shock in my own country! AGH. (This is why I read your blog – so I can soak up European culture!)
April 27th, 2009 at 12:05 pm
I love your blog! I lived in Ireland, and had a lot of the same experiences on returning to the US. (Esp. the peanut butter cups – mmm!). My husband is European, and we’ve kept a lot of our Euro-lifestyle. We have two cars (very American) but they’re both small (Euro). I always bag my groceries myself, in my own bags (plastic bags??!!). The thing I always said about Ireland v. the US: in Ireland, no one wants to help you in a store but if you can get someone to help you, they actually know what they’re talking about. In the US, people are eager to help and be nice, but it seems like every single time they can’t really help. The difference between me and my husband is the he prefers the unhelpful competent folks and I’d just rather people were friendly even if they can’t help at all. No matter – we’re planning to live in Ireland again when our daughter starts jr. high. And we’ll miss those American things (yes, Target, cheap food, having two cars) just like I miss Ireland when I’m in the US.
April 27th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
Oh, Target! How I miss you! Indy and I are flying in back for a month in June and Target is the first place I’m heading. They have a Super Target! Yippie!
The grocery stores ARE overwhelming. At least you get some exercise walking from one end to the other. Crazy!
The loud people! Loud, loud, LOUD! Even when we’re in a restaurant here in Germany, it amazes me how loud Americans are compared to the Germans. It’s almost embarrassing. We went to a Chines restaurant a while back and there were 3 tables of Americans and they were so very loud.
Plastic sacks! Yuck.
April 27th, 2009 at 3:01 pm
When I travelled through Europe while in college, I noticed that you could easily pick the Americans out, in an embarrassing sort of way. They were typically louder than everyone else, and they sometimes had an “entitled” air about them. It’s not surprising that the term “ugly American” came about. : (
April 27th, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Thank you for all the lovely comments. I’ve been thinking about the things everyone has been saying, and I find myself nodding and nodding. From clothes to Target and the volume of voices – thank you all!
Katie
April 27th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
I really enjoy reading your blog and have it on my Reader list.
I feel the same way when we return to southern California after visiting my husband’s family in the rural midwest. It’s like a different world.
I love it back there, and when I return here I wish for the friendly, sweet folks of the midwest. I also miss the wide open spaces, but I am glad to be back where I can shop any day of the week.
April 27th, 2009 at 5:58 pm
How fun. I am coming there in a couple of weeks. I hope you enjoy Colorado. I LOVE IT THERE.
~a
April 27th, 2009 at 7:40 pm
Great post. I had fun reading it…it’s very interesting. Have fun!! :)
April 28th, 2009 at 1:44 am
You summed that up quite nicely! It all says, “WELCOME! WELCOME! WELCOME!”
April 28th, 2009 at 8:23 pm
I completely agree with everything in this post.
I spent 8 months in Japan as a foreign exchange student.
And I’ve had more culture shock coming back to America,
than when I went to Japan.
This was great and entertaining (:
I’m more homesick for Japan after being home for less than a month,
than I ever was for America in the 8 months I was gone.
I can’t wait to get back to Japan, where I truly feel at home!
April 29th, 2009 at 6:45 pm
It’s so interesting to read your reactions to seeing the US with new eyes. The grocery stores (and many other stores) have become way too big – shopping is such a challenge nowadays. And sprawl has gobbled up so much of this country – it is really tragic. It seems to be something akin to the frog in the pan of water that slowly heats up – if you live here the impact of the incremental changes becomes unnoticeable.
Liz
PS – Just discovered your blog and it is a pleasure!
May 1st, 2009 at 12:04 am
I know EXACTLY what you’re experiencing… it IS culture shock, no doubt about it!
I lived in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia for several years in the late ’80s. While there I learned conversational Arabic and used my high school French and Spanish when working in Africa or Europe. When I finally came “home” in 1990, it was to Denver, Colorado… not my natural home of Berkeley, California.
I felt so alone for the first few months. Metro Denver was VERY “white” and small town Midwest. “Nationalities” became a foreign concept to me. Also, I never realized how provincial anything west of the Mississippi really is! Overseas you learn to be international because in downtown Arusha, Tanzania or Sanaa, Yemen, YOU are the minority and the object of other’s curiosity.
Conversations with my fellow Coloradans were strange: Whenever I brought up my life in the Middle East, people would steer the conversation toward how “exotic” I REALLY was because I came from California!
Staying out late was boring because they roll up the sidewalks in Denver Metro after 9 PM! I got used to going out with my Saudi and expat friends after Midnight because it is too hot to go clubbing or window-shopping during the day (average Jeddah temp is 95-degrees PLUS). I often got calls at 2 AM from a group of my friends from work who wanted to go out to smoke a sheesha pipe or two at that nice outdoor sheesha parlor with the oversized nargile pipes.
And all that ENGLISH!!!!!!! It took me years to get all of the Arabic words and phrases out of my vocabulary (I still curse and exclaim excitedly in Arabic, though). After I had been in COlorado for several months, I remember making a beeline for a Jordanian couple at a local mall because they were speaking Arabic to each other.
However, I did kiss the tarmac when I deplaned at DIA after my return flight to the States. And I was relieved to go back to driving with only one hand on the steering wheel and under the posted speed limit. Also… no traffic circles (roundabouts) in Denver (though they began to show up in the suburbs about the time I left for Maui… yuck!).
I no longer miss police checkpoints and bribing cops to avoid arrest for phony traffic violations. Carrying around a passport, entry-exit visa, national ID card, and a wallet full of miscellaneous bits of card and paper identifying me as a (mostly) harmless resident alien. I do miss the very genuine and freely expressed friendliness and hospitality toward strangers that I frequently encountered in the Middle East and Africa. But after a few years overseas this old hippie discovered how truly wonderful is our system of government and (most of all) our IMMENSE amount of personal freedom. In America, nobody cares WHAT you do! That’s a good thing… isn’t it???
May 1st, 2009 at 1:14 am
Hi Katie,
I am also an American living here in Germany and I completely understand. When asked what I miss the most (other than my family…of course) I always reply COMPREHENSION. Understanding and also being understood. I get better daily however, I do sometimes feel the overwhelming need for a seriously fast, uncomplicated english conversation without out the brain drain of translation and a 300 € phone bill! haha
I am glad you miss Germany and I am also glad to hear that another American loves the same thing about it that I do.
Tschüß,
Anita
May 2nd, 2009 at 5:58 am
You gotta love America! :) I’ve never been out of the USA, so I can’t really sympathize. But, to hear you tell it, I would be in culture shock, as well. BPOTW
May 2nd, 2009 at 7:10 am
I linked over from “Best Posts.” I can see why your story ranks so high! It is very good! (My, “The Jenny Tree” came in at 26, which I’m happy with, too).
I’ve been to Germany and it is beautiful. 40% of Americans have German blood in them, meaning America has a very close connection to Germany. I think it is good that you post these experiences of your life in Germany so we can share in the appreciation of this culture that has shared so much with ours.
I’d like to invite you to my blog, “Family Fountain,” if you get a chance.
May 3rd, 2009 at 2:23 am
I love your first one on this list – I’ll never forget the time my husband ordered his coffee (with specifications) in French while standing in a coffee shop in Oklahoma City. The clerk just stared… and again, he repeated himself, in French. Finally, the clerk said, “I’m sorry. I dont understand.” Before BJ could repeat himself a THIRD time in French while standing in America I tapped my darling on the arm, “English might be the language of choice, dear!”
May 3rd, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Welcome back! Isn’t it interesting how we see things the second time around! Thanks for sharing!
May 14th, 2009 at 4:26 pm
Hello Katie and Martin!
Have you moved back to America? Or are you on vacation? I am confused!
Anyway, I read all of your points above and was shaking me head “yes yes yes!” the whole time. Especially the loud people, the noise factor, replying to airline employees in German, not liking M&Ms anymore, sprawl, massive grocery stores… We have so many things in common I never knew until now reading your blog. I also dislike the whole Sunday thing here in America – I love having Sundays off in Germany — it’s SO refreshing and relaxing.
Another culture shock for me here is all of the conversations, people pouring out their problems, when you don’t even know them. I was in Stop & Shop the other night and the cashier started telling me about her family problems. HELLO? I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW!!! I like the German way better sometimes, I really can’t handle all this “dumping on” that I experience here so often. It’s stressful. I like my silence now and then, I can think more and as a result I feel more in touch with my creativity and spirituality.
YES and everything is SO cheap in America but wow, most of it — you are right — is made elsewhere. Mostly China. So I guess the price is being paid just not in money, right?
I wonder, you didn’t mention it here, but when you’re in Berlin did you start to feel more in tune with what’s going on in the WORLD vs. only American news and pop culture? TV here really overwhelms me now. The news is horrible, I have to watch the BBC to find out what’s happening outside of the states. It’s frustrating.
xo
Holly
May 16th, 2009 at 9:44 am
Great post! I think I would do very well in Germany. Except for the small house part. ;)
May 28th, 2009 at 10:11 am
Hi! I just found your site…I love it. I’m going through it and have found so much I can relate to. When we moved back to the states, I was in reverse culture shock for nearly two years. I was so annoyed by so many things. It’s funny how you can so easily get used to something that you didn’t grow up with and then get frustrated with things you did grow up with after now doing it that way for so long.
There are some things that still annoy me, but I’m used to it again now after being ‘home’ for nearly 7 years. I do at least get my fix every year when we travel of what I think is much more normal for some things. :)
Again, great blog…I’m going to add you to my RSS.