Get Lost on Purpose

Have you ever noticed how much you need to have things under control?  It’s beyond a want; it’s almost like a need.  If things aren’t in control in our lives, we get overwhelmed or we panic.  So we start to close our minds to possibility and focus on what we know and what makes us feel safe.  That pressure to keep everything going smoothly wipes us out by the end of the day.

As you know, it’s amazing what a big change in your life can show you about yourself.  For some, it’s having a baby, getting married, or losing someone you love.  For me, that change was our move to Germany.  I didn’t realize how obsessed I was with maintaining control in my life until we got here.  Since I couldn’t speak German, the only way for me to keep in control was to have my husband, Martin, with me.  Everywhere.  

Besides the grocery store and anything within walking distance of our house, I didn’t go anywhere by myself.  He was my crutch, and I felt like I needed him in order to do anything.  I didn’t order for myself at restaurants or answer the phone when the caller had a German phone number.  I didn’t even speak to clerks who clearly knew English.  I’d speak to Martin in English, who would then speak to them in German for me.  It didn’t occur to me that I could or should do any of these things for myself.  I just put a huge roadblock in front of myself without even fully realizing what I had done.

I remember the exact day I began tearing down this barrier.

 An American friend and I had agreed to meet and take the subway across the city to go shopping.  It would be our first time getting together without our husbands.  I really wanted to see this craft shop I’d found online, so when she had to cancel that morning, I did not cancel, too.  I think it was because I was so desperate to find some colored paper as ridiculous as that sounds.  So I went alone, accepting that if I truly wanted to experience life in Europe, I had to step out of my comfort zone. 

Two weeks later, I did an experiment.  I got on my bike after an errand and just started going.  I didn’t know where I was headed; I just started following the wind until I was so totally lost that I couldn’t even tell you which way was north an hour later.  At first, my journey was filled with panic.  The sense of being lost does that to you.  But after a while, my feelings of apprehension started to disappear.  I felt confident.  I felt inspired.  That day, Martin was no longer my crutch.  I was free.

Ever since that day, I’ve thought a lot about the control we all fight so hard to keep in our lives.  We hardly ever let ourselves get lost. 

Why not let go just a little this next week? 

Take a moment to get lost.  You can always pull out a map or ask someone for directions later.  Walk and walk until you have no idea where you are instead of following the same path that you’ve grown accustomed to.  Try ordering tofu in your next meal (because I know how totally freaked out people are by tofu until they try it).  Or sign up for a dance class with your partner, which is scarier than heck for a lot of us.

All of these experiences open your mind to new possibilities if you just let yourself get lost.  Maybe it won’t be as awakening as my first day alone in Europe was.  Then again, it could be even greater.